While the mistress of this site is away on vacation, I get to play on the site and write a review for the first episode of the sixth season of True Blood. Hold on to your hats!

A huge part of me wishes I had not known as much about this episode as I did prior to watching it but it was good to be able to see it for myself. It allowed me to have my own opinion about it. Seeing as I did know so much more than I did last year and well in advance, it was hard to get overly excited. I have not been super excited to see what True Blood has in store for me this season because the storytelling has let me down in the past but I was pleasantly surprised. There were some really good scenes that actually kind of made sense, for once. Let’s start with what I did not like.

ALCIDE ‘ALPO-MALE’ HERVEAUX

Alpo-male (thanks Beth) and his storyline I could really care less about. I find it extremely boring and my chance to take a potty break. I only wish I had waited just a bit longer so I would not have to see that stupid so-called threesome. Alpo-male is going to be loving his benefits as packmaster and that is probably how he will spend his time.

The fact that he will try to take Emma from Sam using his new Alpo-male status is enough to do my head in. Can someone please get rid of him to ease my having to watch it? No amount of seeing him naked can make up for this storyline I have never liked. This is one of my ‘ick factor’s’ from the episode, a naked Alcide having a corny threesome, this is not the crap I signed up for.

The second ‘ick factor’ would be Alcide chewing on the former packmaster’s flesh. DISGUSTING! Did I tell you how much this storyline bugs me? Only one good thing came from this and that was Rikki staking her claim on Alcide in such a powerful way, I had to give her props! “I’m your number one bitch and don’t you forget it”

SAM AND LUNA

Now, onto something I was just not feeling and I cannot figure out why it was done in this manner. Luna’s death was sad, especially since it happened right in front of her daughter but I felt that it was rushed and therefore it did not create a major impact so that sorrow could be felt. I think the major reason for this is that we only saw her collapse last season and nothing more.

We might have known she was going to die but we did not get a chance to really feel it. I understand that escape was necessary and they needed to get away in a hurry but it still felt rushed. A better goodbye for both Sam and Emma could have been had. I had more time to feel Tommy’s death after his skin-walking experience. Not to mention, we get this when it is all said and done. I liked the scene, I could have used a something a little more powerful is all but I get it so I won’t harp on it.

One good thing did come of this scene and it was the AMAZING LA LA! I simply love him with all my heart. When talking about Luna shifting back into herself on national TV, his comment was hilarious. La La along with Jason is my comic relief.

ANDY AND HIS FAIRY BABIES

I found Andy to be really adorable in this episode and that is saying something as I normally find him annoying! Between Arlene schooling him about fooling around without a raincoat and the lessons Terry and her were sharing regarding changing a baby’s diaper, I was cracking up laughing. The following picture is really adorable!

One disturbing thing caught my eye and well I will let the image speak for itself!

Who puts their baby on a cutting board on top of stove burners to change their diapers? WHO DOES THAT? Only on True Blood is all I can say. He gets quite a fright in the middle of the night when he sees this and I got a kick out of it.

JASON

Oh, Jason how I love thee, let me count the ways! From the beginning of this episode to the end he was in pure Jason form and I have never loved him more. Except when he told Sookie that she was dead to him. I understand why he is upset but dude that is your sister, not matter what! It is just not cool. Other than that, Jason is my other comic relief besides my La La! You can count on him always to give you one hell of a laugh! The way he went about killing the vampires and strutting his I hate all this attitude, it was worth watching over and over. Jason was raped for real but here is what he is tired of:

HILARIOUS! He walks away and is seen hitchhiking his way back to Bon Temps and is picked up by none other than Rutger Hauer (the Hitcher himself) oh the IRONY!

In typical Jason fashion, he proceeds to tell almost his whole life story to a complete stranger even after he was suspicious of him. Near the end of the episode due to Rutger’s character saying “You cannot keep Warlow away from Sookie” prompting Jason to wonder how he knew his sister’s name. Hauer responds with: “Who the hell do you think I am Jason?” Jason shot at the man,who laughed, disappeared and Jason was left to try to control the car. Oh Jason, you are lucky you are much loved!

PAM, JEALOUSY IS A BITCH AND DOES NOT BECOME YOU!

I love Pam and her snarkiness as much as the next person but she needs to tone it down on the jealousy bit, for it does not suit her and it is not helping her case with Eric. Eric and Pam have been semi on the outs since she almost killed Sookie. Her jealousy started with Sookie and is continuing on with Nora. I really wanted to literally smack her in this episode, this is a conversation she really could have waited to have with Eric. I understand her frustration with Eric, it is understandable but as Eric said, now was not the time.

Pam has always been a tad uncontrollable and Eric has had to put his foot down a bit with her when she got out of line. Should Eric have told her about Nora? Yes I think he should have but Pam could chill out about and talk to him about it later. As Tara told her “You know love doesn’t have to be a competition between you and everybody else”.

If it was only about Eric being mean to her, I would say that he was being a complete ass but there is more going on here than that. I think they both have a point, Pam is always questioning him and he keeps things from her. I really do see both sides.

With that being said, Pam once again has some classic one-liners that I just have to share.You gotta love her.

BILL, LILLITH, BILLITH WHATEVER THAT THING IS!

Since the end of last season, I have been saying that Bill met the TRUE DEATH in the finale. It is for that reason that I have to agree with Sookie when she said “I watched him die Jess and then I watched him turn into something else. Whatever that thing is, it’s not Bill”. I believe Nora when she says “Lilith incarnate will bring death and destruction to humans and vampires alike” and he/she needs to be killed pronto. Poor Jessica being called by the maker/thing was so brutal that she puked on Eric and felt as if her heart was coming out of her chest. Eric has never seen anything like this before, it was not usual.

If she did not go to the ‘thing’ then she would have died so off she goes with Sookie and when they get there, Sookie wisely makes two stakes before entering the house. The new Bill is waiting for them on his porch and claims he just wants to talk, not hurt them. Eric and Nora sweep in with stakes pissing the new Bill off and he has Eric by the throat choking him which prompts Sookie to stake his ass! I loved it because Sookie is being smart now and about damn time!

Afterwards he tells them he is Bill Compton but clearly he is something more. Old-wise sage Sookie (as of about 20 minutes ago) agreed: “That’s right. Bill Compton is gone. He died….I felt it“. I think what Sookie meant here is that she felt the pain of it, not strictly through the bond, more of emotionally feeling it. She believes that if whatever the hell he is really means them no harm, he will let them go, leave Jess alone and leave Bon Temps for good.

Jessica gets mad at Sookie for staking Bill who again tries to tell her that ‘this is not Bill’ but Jess wants none of it and tells them all to leave. She is staying with her so called maker and the thing says “You heard her”and makes the house shake! They all take off like the wind, afraid of what would happen next. I have to use this gif simply because I love it and it kinda fits!

Jess is in bed after having showered the blood of the night off and her daddy brings her a warm nightcap, trublood he just happened to find in the pantry and proceeds to tuck her in after he tells her a Civil War bedtime story. I am not altogether sure that it was TruBlood in that glass if you catch my drift! It seems he needs help controlling himself because he does not know what he can do or what he is and ‘getting staked is some pretty heady shit” so he needs her to keep him honest!

When she sets her glass back on the nightstand, it topples over and with his mind, he stops it in mid-air and returns it back to the stand. He did not know he could do that either. I can maybe buy that part but not the I did not know I could not die because he was still inside when the Authority exploded and he came walking out and flew away unharmed. I believe, last I checked that fire killed vampires Just saying! If I am wrong, then I will eat my words!

At the end of the episode the Bill thing hears voices calling his name and sees what I assume are four different bloody Liliths and they enter his mouth. Do I know what that means? NO. Do I care? NO. As far as I am concerned, Bill was already dead and gone once he drank the whole bottle of Lilith KOOL-AID. Fine by me, his character was boring me anyhow!

THE GOVERNOR

I do not like this man at all, he is going to be as corrupt as a politician can be, if not more so. He has an agenda with allowing that bottling plant to become a True Blood factory, he wants revenue for his reelection plan and simple but I also think he has a backup plan to eradicate vampires from the earth.

SOOKIE and ERIC!

I loved the scenes between Sookie and Eric from beginning to end! Everything he does for Sookie is because he loves her and it was very evident in this episode that he still loves her. He respects her and out of the respect he will not harm her brother and this is saying something for Eric. This is not the first time he has not harmed Jason because of the fact that he is related to Sookie. I love that about him.

Eric and Sookie reach her house and she mentions that she’s not the girl she thought she would be and this is where the real sweet stuff starts!

They walk into her house and he asks her for a pen and paper and stabs himself in the arm with it to sign her house back over to her in blood. He will mail the deed back to her and she thanks him.

She rescinds his invitation into her house and he is made to walk slowly out the door! It was in these scenes that you could tell the love was still there not just on Eric’s side either.

This was not goodbye, this was simple goodnight!I just may find myself having a little more respect for Sookie because she is not being a fool for Bill and wants to get her life back and that means as little contact with vampire as possible, besides Warlow that is! Whoever the hell he may be?! Whatever happens from here on out remains to be seen! I still have no expectations and I am still watching with caution where somethings are concerned but all in all it was a pretty good episode. Nine more like it would be just fine with me.